


A Dissertation

by 1V1



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Humor, Interns - Freeform, Millenial Humor, Random Ass Scenarios, shitposting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-25 08:36:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13830459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1V1/pseuds/1V1
Summary: Shit an intern (or interns) would do if they were millennials working at the Avengers compound and Canon never applied.





	A Dissertation

**Author's Note:**

> This is why I don't write humor fics anymore.

1- All interns regularly cut and paste Tony Stark’s face over every single photo of anyone else in the facility. Even his own. The exception is Bruce Banner because Bruce is the good fellow scientist. 

2- Lean mean green machine is a ‘cleanse smoothie’ they insist is made to lose weight but in reality, it is made of 5 monster energy drinks, Mountain Dew, and a prayer for when they get stuck having to test weird shit Tony invented or its just been a very hectic week because of ‘Avengers Things’

3- Alien things are always described in every paper as ‘Not Mjolnir, so you can pick it up’.

4- Hide miniature golden statues of Ironman around the compound. Finding them isn’t the game. It’s leaving them for Tony to find when he least expects it. The most ingenious was one taped to his ceiling for 5 months and he never noticed. 

5- The Breakroom hosts a game called ‘Is it Thor or a WWE Wrestler’. So far, every Avenger has failed once. (Loki has never failed)  
6- No one is allowed to wear any fan gear with the exception of Hulk related items. 

7- Attempt to convince Thor that body shots are a great Midgardian past time and he should do them with everyone.   
8- The swear jar exists has Steve’s face on it and is called ‘Steve’s Fuck Fund’. 

9- Attempt to recreate Asgardian alcohol in the labs rather than test a new clean energy reactor.

10- Set up an Instagram for themselves, taking shitty low quality photos of the avengers.

11- Set up a snapchat for taking booty shots of the avengers

12- Play the Floor is Lava halfway through a meeting

13- Convince the Avengers that they need to play to prove who’s the best a reacting to danger via The Floor is Lava.

14- Mimic speeches that the Avengers have given on TV only with bad acting, bad costumes made from found items, and entirely sober.

15- ‘Top 10 Lokis’ is a poster in the breakroom and are 9 pictures of various non venomous snakes and one photo of a key handing from the poster via string. 

16- Regularly pool money to buy Clint’s children birthday and Christmas gifts. 

17- ‘Sounds Fake but Okay’ is the default answer to anything weird Thor or Loki say about shit from Asgard. They must always dare them to prove it. (Do not dare them to prove it).

18- No one speaks ill of Black Widow. She knows when they do. She is the danger. She is untouchable. They do not prank Black Widow. 

19- There is a secret playlist for every avenger that the interns regularly update and curate on spotify. 

20- Unflattering photos of any particular avenger hang on the R&D door for ‘Today’s Mood’ depending on what’s being tested. The most common is a photo of Stark wincing as he drinks 3 day old coffee he left on his research table. 

21- Fuck, Marry, Kill is not a game they play while sober. It is bad. It will lead to bad decisions. It will lead to making out with the Black Widow. No one will believe them.

22- WWBBD? What Would Bruce Banner Do? Is the motto. 

23- Refer to each other by suburban white mom names when someone harasses them for something like a pen or stickynotes. Tony is the Soccer Mom. 

24- Schedule visits from therapy dogs for their anxiety. Avengers regularly visit the dogs as well.

25- Dare each other to touch Steve’s pecs. It’s a rite of passage. 

26- HYDRA??? Is the BEES??? Meme

27- ‘One Eye’d Asshole’ either Refers to Fury or Odin. Sometimes both. 

28- ‘I’d eat it’ is the given reaction to weird alien fauna. 

29- ‘I’d fuck it’ is the reaction for those who want to instill terror in half the office. 

30- Try to pick up Mjolnir once. Thor lets them try. Is secretly terrified one day one of them will pick it up.

31- The story is one day a therapy dog picked up Mjolnir and took it over to Thor and he cried while telling the dog what a good boy he is. Every inter knows another inter who knows a guy who was there when it happened. It was real. 

32- ‘WELL MAYBE I HAVE DEPRESSION’ is the rebuttal for when asked why they’re tired after a night of having to test new things and no one cleaned up the pizza boxes.

33- Everyone has slept at least once on the floor of the lab while waiting for cultures to form and woken up to tea from Bruce who also sleeps in the lab regularly. 

34- ‘The Nine realms lived in harmony. But that all changed when Loki attacked’ is the preface for slideshows that involve explanations of new alien tech. 

35- ‘RUSSIAN JESUS IS BACK!’ is the mass text sent out when Bucky enters the compound at any given time.

36- Friday is made to beatbox by having her respond in binary

37- Trinidad Scorpion Peppers, Ghost Peppers, and Carolina Reapers are regularly ingested in front of Loki in a blatant powermove fashion. He is terrified.

38- There are lunchables for Peter and Shuri. ‘Adult Lunchables’ are for Stark and Thor.

39- Every time Black Widow changes her look the question ‘How Gay do you feel?’ is asked. 

40- Ask to high five Strange’s cape. It fistbumps instead. 

41- Shit post on social media with the hashtag #EarthsZeros. The excuse is to keep them humble.

42- Number each other. Intern 69 is reserved for whoever manages to get Banner to go on a date with them. 

43- Mistletoe is hung over Bruce’s entire workspace at Christmas and everyone always get him things on his wishlist. 

44- Everyone wants to asked about the whole Balder/Mistletoe thing each Christmas but no one has the guts to and Loki grins really creepily when he sees the plant.

45- Potlucks are common, and everyone is invited. Even Loki. (especially Loki)

46- ‘These mortal flesh prisons will not contain us’ is whispered under breaths as Thor passes just to fuck with him.

47- Wanda is suggested world domination tactics via sticky notes. 

48- Are no longer allowed to decorate for the holidays because without fail someone will set up pyrotechnics. (Still decorate anyways)

49- Halloween is an excuse to dress up all week, each day everyone dressing as the same avenger. Bruce’s day everyone just wears normal clothes. 

50- ‘What’s worse X or Hydra’. The answer is usually x ‘Because you’re allowed to shoot Hydra’.

51- ‘Son of X’ and ‘Daughter of Y’ are used unironically when having to send documents to Thor, Loki, or Coulson. 

52- NPC lines are used when they want to cut an interaction short. 

53- Dedicated Vines about shit that happens at the compound

54- ‘Is it Alien or is it Bullshit’. A game no one ever wins. 

55- Each time part of the compound is compromised someone prints out a poster that says ‘Sharing is Caring’ until the breach has been contained.

56- ‘X days since last fuckup’ is a poster in the R&D lab and typically resets the day after Tony visits.

57- The song Friday is played on Friday and FRIDAY is requested to sing it. 

58- Thursdays someone is obligated to ask Thor if it’s his birthday. Again.

59- ‘Can it run DOOM’ is the first and most important question asked whenever a new program is developed. FRIDAY can run DOOM. They made sure of it. 

60- Get Thor a Gold iPhone and name it ‘Idunn’s’ on iTunes and refuse to change it. 

61- 'Send Nudes not Dudes' is a poster on the roof 'to Heimdall'

62- Scott is always asked to 'embiggen' things. He isn't allowed to after doing so to a cup of coffee. 

63- Scott is asked sometimes to 'do the growth thing' on a dildo if the intern brings it in. Scott hasn't said no, nor, has he said yes. A dildo sits in an office cabinet for the opportunity.

64- The dildo is in Steve's desk.

**Author's Note:**

> I will maybe add more in the future. I dunno.


End file.
